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April 21st
Awww Yeh! this past week or so have been by far some of the best consecutive days i've ever had (my last record was 18 of the best consecutive days, i'm only upto about 12 now, so we'll see how long this lasts). Now, to get off the coffee, and back onto the booze.
.cre

"Startribune - Injured Big-Game Hunter Takes Aim at Bullet Manufacturer" uh, why do people still 'big-game-hunt' ? i thought this shit was outlawed ages ago. like back in the 30s? frankly all these multi-millionaire tiger killing assholes need to be 'taken-out-the-back-and-beaten'

"BBCNews - Reality Intrudes into Gaming" Oh god, this is gayest thing ever. Thank god microsoft spent all the time developing this.

"CNN - Private Manned Spacecraft Program unveiled" ha! routine spaceflight at low cost.. yeah, thats what they said about columbia... we'll have to see if this actually flies or not...

"Snopes - Time Traveling Inside Trader" heh, heres the sober followup to that article i posted ages ago, with the 'time traveller' who made 350million in 2 weeks or some shit. heh.
Sent in by: mkow
"GirlFriend Stealer's Homepage" hah! This is awesome. i can't tell you how many girlfriends i've stolen from other people, its the best shit ever. Nothing can raise your spirits (and ego), like stealing a hot chick from some rich/artsy/superfag. Its almost too bad that the "advice from a girl" has direct instructions from Trent Reznor.. Trent is far from a lady killer, if anything, he's so misognistic.
Sent in by: _Spectre_
"OCRegister - Fullerton Suspends Four Police Officers" rofl. now this is classy. but all i can say is.. "I'd prolly do the exact same thing", serious. if i was a cop, i'd be busting all the rules.. upholding the law would only be fun for like the first 6months, then i'd be all about making my own rules, and enforcing them. I'd be the roadwarrior of the 21century..
Sent in by: Insaney
 
April 20th
Happy Magical Bunny Day (resurrect your jesus today)!!
.cre
"Excite - Penis Numbing Condom Planned" i dont get this, if yer gonna jizz too soon, take control fo the situation, slow down whatever your doing, or go at it from a different angle. and above all, dont eat junk food. it clogs the arteries and makes the boners go away too soon.

"Ananova - Businessman Sells 'poo' Good Luck Charms" uh. gold plated human poo clumps.... i dont know what to say.

"Nokia N-Gage" this is the coolest thing i've seen all day.

"We Love The Iraqi Information Minister.com" ghah, im so glad someone was recording all of his, it must have been funny when he was saying it, but now its even funnier that the war is over.
Sent in by: The Great God OM
"Graaaagh - Zombie Brain Eater" heh. this rules.
Sent in by: Phink
"Boost Mobile - Old Lady Commercial" *snicker*
Sent in by: Matthew F.
 
April 19th
ugh, so sick. i went out and got completely hammered, and i ordered a Rye and Ginger, and i some how got a gin and tonic, its making me feel so ill.. ugh...
.cre


"eBay - H.A.L.E.S. Compressor" uh yeah, this ounds bad ass, but i smell snake oil... if something sounds too good to be true, chances are it is....

"MSNBC - Saying 'No Thanks' to the Internet" Seriously. some days i just wanna unplug my cable modem.. but then i remember the copious amounts of porn that wait for me on the other side of that cable modem... its so hard to resist...

"ABCNews - Unemployed Man Files for $1.5M Tax Refund" ghah, i never thought about doing this.. even though it is fraud heh..

"STFU NOOB" *snicker* i swear, i gotta make crap like this my background at work. not that anyone would see it, with my 10 terminal sessions infront of it.
Sent in by: Matt F.
"The Photographs Tell the Story" interesting.. it certianly wouldn't be the first time the media has lied to us.....
Sent in by: Brill
"Google - Pourne Identity" YES!
Sent in by: mkow
 
April 18th
"MSNBC - Teenager Blinded by 'Toy' Gun" Clearly this was caused by misuse. who the hell puts a frog in a potato gun, then when it does fire, inspects the barrel without removing the frog projectile.. anyone who looks blindly down the barrel of a frog cannot deserves to have it discharged onto his face...

"Wired - Road Race Pits Fast and Flirty" serious. i'm gonna have to do a donation pool next year, to see if my readers (you guys) are willing to pony up some cash for me to participate in the gumball. im seriously jealous of these speed freaks..

"CNN - Worlds Tallest Towers Proposed for WTC Site" Tempting fate.. I love to tempt fate.. the feeling of impending doom rules.

"Ananova - Cat survives 20 Miles Under the Bonnet" heh crazy cats.....

"The XXX-Rated Bible" mmm sacreligious..
Sent in by: SousHomme
"The Star - Australian Seeks $1M After Kangaroo's Death" when i first read the title of this article, i was like "eh, wtf? no one is allowed to keep a domestic animal as a pet (aussies cant have koala's or kangaroo's as pets). But yeah, think about it, if this animal was "protected" you'd think they'd take better care of it, when its in gov't protection :)
Sent in by: `Nemesis
"ABCNews - 2 Texans Charged in Shuttle Debris Theft" what kind of redneck hick would steal parts of a blown up shuttle? seriously, it would be cool to have a few bits to hold on to, but what could you possibly do with it? put it on display on your mantle? who would you show? everyone would turn you in... i guess i just wont understand these rednecks..
Sent in by: robs
 
April 17th
"Excite - Farmers Put Live Chickens in Wood Chippers" hah AWESOME, i would have loved to have seen this. i dunno if i'd be horrified or hilarified. I dont think many other people can say that they've seen 30,000 chickens turned into a slurry of feathers and blood before. clearly this would be a once in a lifetime event.
UPDATE: Also see the Yahoo version of this story (Sent in by: FreshEveryTime)

"Ananova - Masturbate-a-thon Set for Live Webcast" hah! this sounds like such a scam. "Give me money so i can beat off.." take special note of what prizes will be awarded for..
Those taking part must be 18 and over, and prizes will be awarded for most money raised, among other achievements.

i wonder what the 'other achievements' may be?? distance? amount? density? viscosity? speed? i could go on....

"Penny-Arcade - Tart as a Double Entendre" hah, if this were only true, i'd play it all day.. theres something so right about a girl dressed as strawberry shortcake with a riding crop.

"CNN - Solar Cells Less Pricey, More Efficient" god, all this green power shit sounds good in theory, but on paper and in practice its the stupidest idea ever. Toronto just put in a Wind Trap (generator) near the lake, it cost the city/tax payers millions and millions of dollars, and it only generates a tiny amount of energy, infact i was driving by it last night, and the fucken thing wasn't even moving. what a waste...

"HomeStarRunner - 404 Doodoo Error" heh, more fun with 404 errors.
Sent in by: lmac
"GuerrillaNews - Fox in History" *snicker* i love the cameo by Sonic and Tails :)
Sent in by: Brill
"Scientific America - Parallel Universes" Holy crapballs, this is a HUGE article, 10 pages, i read through the first page and its pretty rad (For those of us science nuts out there). i'll have to smurf through the rest of it at work today heh..
Sent in by: mkow
 
April 16th
"Excite - Masked Wrestler Wins Japan Assembly Seat" YES! THE GREAT SASUKE! why can't the canadian political system have guys like this in it? I'd love to have a pro-wrestler as my elected official, knowing very well, that if any old political mothball was slacking around him, that he'd pick him up, do a double suplex on him, then pin him for a 10 count. this would change the political system in canada forever (for the better atleast).

"CNN - Moon Landing Note Book Fetches $220,000" now this would be an awesome coffee table piece. ofcourse it would be total fodder for 'coffee cup rings' (victims of lazy people who cant find coasters) heh. but still, i dont know why people dont scan shizz like this up, and post it on the net for everyone to enjoy (even a low res scan would be cool, just to make sure the original held its value). i'd love to see what buzz was doodling while the space ship columbia took off in 1969 :)

"Jerkcity - Flap flap flap my gash" ROFL

"Ananova - Cocaine Found in Ambulance" uh, i've never seen a cop pulling over an ambulance for a busted light. this sounds fairly suspect to me.. but ofcourse, i imagine the legal/policing system is a fair bit different in Peru. heh. Dont they still havin caning down there?

"Howto Properly Fold a Cat For Storage in a Sweater Drawer" YES!
Sent in by: Brill
"BBCNews - Puppy's Astonishing Knife Tale" hehe, i once saw my dog eat 8ft of cotton twine. i thought it would kill him, but nope. he was as playful and happy as ever (until he passed said string), which was a truely disgusting feet. but yeah, dogs will eat anything.
Sent in by: Kayvan
"TheOnion - Don't Come Crying to Me When You Need Someone Who Speaks Elvish" *snicker*
Sent in by: _Spectre_
 
April 15th
"NewsMax - Bush Will Not Stop Afghan Opium Trade" uh its almost impossible to keep all the faciets to this war in one picture. but this one is definatly an interesting twist..

"Goodnites - Bed Wetting Information and Products" ROFLMAO

"Grand Buffet" what the funk?!

"Guardian - Cannabis Economy Brings £11bn" k, they should seriously consider making this crap legal in canada, and just tax the funk outta it. serious. cuz i know a bunch of hippies who wouldn't care what they had to pay to get their fix of dope. (plus, no one likes hippies, so taxing them is like the icing on the cake).

"Ben.Nullcreations.net - 404 Message" clearly this is the coolest 404 message i've ever seen..
Sent in by: Bosco
"Sensual Steel Products" uh.. stainless steel buttplugs......
Sent in by: Angstboy
"Ananova - Jacko: "I Don't Know My Baby's Mother'" will someone please put michael jackson out of my misery? everytime this guy opens his mouth in public, he makes himself look dumber.
Sent in by: Dromio